Life as a Bed of Roses

They say life is never a bed of roses.

I feel that life indeed is a bed of roses. The more we struggle to live, we face painful situations. Getting out of it is a difficulty which sometimes makes me just want to stop pushing myself. We all have our perceptions of right and wrong; we try to reason out with our justifications.

Is life about explaining and justifying ourselves. Is it because at the end, we just want to feel better? Are there times when you're in a cornered situation whereby, you want to keep quiet. Everyone wants to be heard in a way or another but I know I'm different. I chose to remain silent in my own spot.

For now I don't want to do anything probably there is no effect. I hate "cause and effect" problems because I hate dominoes. I hate salvaging because I don't want to be a savior.

Is it crazy to think I'm schizophrenic because I don't understand what I'm doing? Because I'm doing things which is perceived differently. I used to like quarreling and some friends know I'll put a ridiculous fight. As years go on, being nonchalant do not necessary resolve conflicts. Am I doing it wrongly or there's no value at all. I think I can self heal, majority or the people do which makes me ordinary.

I am ordinary but why are there people thinking I'm "high" up there. I'm not bothered by the majority who thinks I'm a nice person; it's the other way. Should I search for options to convert the minority or should I start putting my white flag.

Either way I'm stuck amongst the thorns and which is why I'm getting numbed to "pain".