Where's My Motivation?

I spent my time reading my notes but somehow, I have this feeling I'm wasting my time. It's really sickening when I started developing this mentality that I've lost all mood to study. Maybe my peers are feeling the same way too well maybe not.

I can't keep myself focused on memorising whatever stuffs that are important. Forcing myself to sit still at my study table is a torture because my mind keeps wandering about. I've been having a lot of ridiculous thoughts once I start staring out into blank space.

Of course, it's not those suicidal thoughts. I think people who ever thought of committing or had commited suicide are pathetic bunch. As far as I know amongst my group of friends, I don't recall anyone ever did that. Well, I knew someone (in the past) who did. He (obviously I think you guys know who) liked to use suicide as a tool to make people believe him.

Mr Fucked - Up, said something classic. "Give me the chance to work things out between my friend (we' aren't friends now) and my Miss Fucked - Up. If things don't work out between me and her, it's my choice and I'll throw myself onto the road to get run over."

It's pathetic. And for your information, that's not the first time he had used committing suicide to appease someone.

Damn, I should have really psycho - ed him to kill himself.

So anyway, I wasted my time yesterday just chatting on the phone with a friend. I planned to study and I already had my notes placed on my study table. This friend of mine, whom I think was so bored after her dinner with her colleagues, smsed me.

I'm not the type of person who'll sms because I rather chat over the phone than spending my time pressing buttons just to type out a simple sms. After a few exchange of smses, I got sick of pressing my keypad. I called my friend and there goes my night time for studying.

We talked to the early hours of the morning and the talk cause my friend to lose her sleep. She was scheduled for a morning shift - she needs to leave her house at 6am so she could reach her working place by 7am. We chatted till 5am (from 1am) and I never realised I actually had that much amount of stuffs to talk about.

I've thought of trying to recover my lost time while I was on the phone. Eventually, I did revise for a while before I head to bed. Of course, I was guilty because my poor friend had to endure a difficult time this morning. My friend woke up at 9pm just now and her sms disrupted me from my revision again. I replied her back but then it came to a point where I'm sick of pressing my keypad again.

Sigh, I don't know where I can find my motivation to really study. That's why I'm taking a breather here before I hit the books again. I think once I start staring into blank space, I"m going to think of my honey mustard and chicken sandwich from Coffee Club.

Few more days to the exam. I want to get over it fast because my friend owes me a chocolate fondue treat.