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I think I get the inspiration to blog only during the wee hours of the morning. I do crave for a good cup of warm coffee and sandwiches now. Where the hell do at this time can I have such comfort food near my home? I do have ham and bacon in my fridge now but I'm lazy in making one. Well, heck the growling in my stomach. I'll find food when I wake up in the morning.

I was pretty bored at home so I started calling up people to chat since yesterday. Those who read my blog and have had private number as your miss calls - I'm the one who called. I made several calls to 3 friends yesterday but none picked up.

I think I should go buy 4D or Toto because 4 consecutive calls and no one answered me!!!

I gave up calling people and decided to try my luck in the afternoon. I know the afternoon is not a good time to make calls to people because most of my friends are working. But anyway, at least there are people who chatted with me. Even though one's not really a conversation but at least my call was answered.

Before I move on further, I just want to thank my friends who sent their well wishes. It's just fever and not meningitis. Anyway, my fever had already subsided and I'm just having phlegm now but I'm pretty sure it'd clear by tomorrow hopefully. I was pretty shaken when JR suddenly smsed saying he wants to visit me.

...

I think he just want to see my pathetic pale face.

I wanted to hire a nurse to feed me medication but Karine said her rates are $50 an hour.

Come to think of it, I should feel contented that at least some (I think I can only count with my one hand only) of my friends offered their concern. I do envy when there are people out there getting visits or medication brought to them. I know I'm unwell, I'm independent enough to head to the doctor and get myself treated. Yes, probably the feeling of having someone to visit you or bringing medication is wonderful but I'm not the lucky one I guess.

I think I never got lucky.

When JR asked whether my girlfriend offered to visit me, I told him I never expect her to do so.
It's very simple - the hostel and and home distance is too far. Well, I called her and ask whether she wants to come and take care of this lil' sick puppy, she gave the answer which I already thought of. She finds it too troublesome to travel from hostel to my home. Maybe I should be contented that at least she bothered to sms me asking how am I now.

Or maybe she used to be caring and concerned about me but I never noticed it. It was then she decided to care less? Ultimately it goes back to the point - why didn't I notice there are people trying to care for me? Or was it did that I tried to care for people but they never realised I cared.

They probably would have felt that I'm just trying to put things in my way? Sometimes is it really better just to be less aware of what is happening around us. If there's the option of filtering - removing what I don't want and taking what I want only - will life be so much better.

Ask me when's or what's the happiest moment of my life - I can give you an answer but what's the point now? Contentment to me is just living each day with no expectations and looking forward to the new day.

My mum nags a lot but hearing her nag is way better than not to hear any from her.

My girlfriend whines about almost anything (and you guys don't know it right?) but it's better than seeing her breakdown over nothing.

JT can't be bothered with me now but it's better than seeing him reverting back to his old self.

3 important people that affect my life. 3, who brought different levels of happiness which I failed to realised. And it's impossible to find back that feeling again.

I'm thinking of Huimin's words...

Did my change came because my friend became oblivious of my care and concern - and instead saw it as me trying to makes things into what I really want?

The fine line between control freak and a caring friend. I think it has been blurred long time ago...